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She tells people, including men, that she’s bisexual because she’s bisexual.She’s not orchestrating a stealth future-cheating campaign.Recently, I have noticed that oftentimes when people (and especially men) refer to her as a lesbian or us as a lesbian couple, she insists on correcting them: “Actually, I’m bisexual.” We end up having conversations with friends like, “Jenny, as a lesbian, what do you think of Hillary Clinton?” “Actually, I’m bisexual.” She says that she doesn’t want her bisexual identity erased and that there is nothing wrong with her wanting people to have a correct understanding of her sexuality.I think it’s weird that she mostly does this with men.
You wouldn’t panic if she told them, “Actually, my hair’s red.” You wouldn’t wonder what it might mean. Your wife says, “Actually, I’m bisexual,” and you hear, “I’m only half in love with my wife and hoping to keep my options open while I look for a heterosexual exit.” But all that she’s saying is that she’s bisexual. You’re adding a lot of assumptions, fears, and insecurities to the mix.Plus, she married a woman—she should get used to people assuming she is in a lesbian relationship. A: Oh, I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to give you the answer you want. If your wife briefly corrects someone with “Actually, I’m bisexual” during conversation, it hardly sounds like attempting to remain an object of desire to me.If she went around saying, “Actually, I’m still very interested in men, particularly you, you massive dose of sexual charisma,” you might have a case, but she doesn’t.Were you hoping she’d change her mind or get over it? Nobody has ever mentioned it to me, but I know it’s unprofessional and probably gross.
She’s in a relationship with a lesbian, but that doesn’t mean she’s in a lesbian relationship. Nothing you’ve told me suggests she neglects you or flirts with men in order to stoke your jealousy. Nothing about your identity or your relationship is threatened by her sexuality in any way; it’s time for you to let go of this. Picky picky: I have an anxiety disorder called trichotillomania that makes me constantly want to pick at my skin, hair, and fingernails.I think you need to figure out why you feel so threatened by the fact that you married a bisexual woman. I take medication and attend therapy, but I still pluck at my hair for an hour or so per night at home. If I’m stuck in a meeting, or in court, or anything particularly boring, I try to take notes or keep my hands busy, but eventually I will start picking at my cuticles, at split ends, at bumps on my arms.